


i would like to think we can make it.

by joccibear



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2019-11-18 13:11:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18121400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joccibear/pseuds/joccibear
Summary: sean is a sub ( yes this is a dom/sub au) and his dom father is abusive and he goes to a 6 week summer camp to escape him. He experiences some severe truama. but dont worry yall. there is a light at the end of this tunnel.





	1. does it matter how i personify this pain???

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [happy little pill [take as needed]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16674457) by [langstwins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/langstwins/pseuds/langstwins). 



> so for those who dont know a dom/sub au is basically where your born with dominant instincts or submissive instincts. subs have a desire to please doms and have alot of difficulty denying orders. doms usually have instincts to protect. but once a dom claims a sub he sub wears a collar. its a whole thing. i got this idea from an author called langstwins. i highly recommend her happy little pill series. it has me in tears and OBSESSED!!! but enjoy.......or...dont...... ur choice.
> 
>  
> 
> ( also the chapters are very short and i will post whenever i feel like it but it will be often )

He was small. from the very beginning. his life was a series of large towers terrifying him into submission. it never dawned on him that fighting could be a possibility. He never said no. He didn't know how. No one had ever told him he could.

It started when he was about 5 years old. (when children start showing dominant or submissive behaviors.) His mother had noticed the submissive behavior. It worried her. She knew her dom husband would not except it. He was angry enough that she could not give him anymore children due to complications during he last birth. Sean was supposed o be his fathers dominant legacy. his father knew that subs were weak and often couldn't amount to much in a dom fairing society. Sean simply did things without arguing. She knew she couldn't hide it forever but when her husband told her he wanted to spend some quality time with he boy on a camping trip she knew i was all going down. The happy facade they all hid behind was about to crumble. The dark bruises that she hid behind make-up would soon be reflected on her sons face. And she was powerless against it......


	2. so this is how it starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so here it comes. poor sean. his father ( mitchell ) is about to make his feelings on sean being a sub VERY clear. 
> 
> *sips tea*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so his guy sucks and im sorry but this scene is very crucial to the plot. i really hope to make this chapter make sense but i cant concentrate well so i apologize for my inconsistancy. ( i cant spell )

Sean was drawing a cat in the dirt next to the creek when he saw his dad had finished setting up the tent. They had driven nearly 6 hours and it was a beautiful day. The clearing looked untouched by any humans. As mitchell started digging a pit to make the fire, Sean realized he could be helping. He dropped the stick into the creek and walked over to his dad.

"Hey dad." His father looked up at him.

"Hey buddy." He struggled to get a rock loose for a moment.

"Grab me the big shovel." Sean instantly ran to the truck and came back with the shovel. He handed it to his father like it was a prize. Eager to please. 

"Thanks." his father chuckled a little. " Your such a good kid sean. I cant wait to make a strong dom out of you." Sean nearly corrected him when he remembered something his mother had told him before they left.

"Dont tell him." she had whispered in his ear as she hugged him goodbye. " promise me you wont let him know your a sub." He had simply nodded. He didnt like keeping secrets. It made his heart feel heavy. As they drove away he had seen a single tear fall from her blackened eye. When she was no longer in sight, he had looked at his dad singing along happily to the radio. 

"Why do you hit mommy?" He had asked him once.

"Because a sub needs to be put in their place. Before they start thinking they are equal to you. They need us to do that. Otherwise they will get out of hand. Do you understand son?" He didnt. He thought his mom was pretty well behaved. Maybe he just never saw her do the bad things.

"Yes daddy." He had said.

( later)

When they had finished eating dinner, Sean had gone back down to the creek to play with sticks. He heard his father exit the tent and heard the familiar sound of a swig being taken out of a bottle. Those bad smelling drinks always made daddy angry. 

" SEAN!!!" He flinched at the sound. He felt sick. He made his way over quickly and quietly. "Im going to ask you something son, and you are going to tell me the god honest truth because I dont know if I can trust your mother....... Are you a sub?" Sean was torn. He felt for some reason that He should say no. But this was his father. He loved him. "Yes....." Sean said putting his head down. His father was quiet. As sean was about to try and meet his fathers eyes he sensed a hatred in the mans breathing if that was possible. It was low and shaky. He saw the large caloused fist descending on him a moment to late. There was a pain sean had never known and it was coming at him full force. He kicked and screamed. He begged him to stop. It kept coming. The man straddled the young boy and met his eyes. Sean faced a raging flame in those eyes that would surely burn him if he couldnt escape. The man pummeled Sean. He struck again and again. His ribs shook and his breath came shallow and rigid. He felt hot liquid burning his eye and tasted blood. He couldnt quite remember the moment it stopped. But it did. He left the small boy lying there on the ground shivering. Cold and alone when the strangest thought came to him, his mother felt this. All the time. How? He wished he could hug his mom right then. But she was no doubt asleep in bed. he cried into the night. silently.


	3. aftermath of a mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so my boi sean isnt gonna get the love he deserves for a while because whats a story on archive without some angstand slow burning gayness!! XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw im still a new writer and the fact that i got like 7 hits had me in tears. thank you

     An excessively annoying beeping ripped Sean from a peaceful drunken slumber. He pried his eyes open with what felt like the might of Zeus. The light coming from the window was nothing short of physically blinding. As his hand smacked the clock on his dresser to the floor, he realized he had a headache courtesy of last nights antics.

      _When am i gonna stop doing this kinda shit to myself?_ Sean thought to himself. He tried to piece together how he got home. He remembered going to the party and following someone out to the garage. He had started playing beer pong and now he was home. He shrugged it off. It doesn't really matter what happened as long as hes alive right?

     He rolled out of bed and put on a pair of jeans he found on the floor. After he was able to walk to the bathroom and down some tylenol, he made his way to the kitchen. He was starving and by the taste of his breath he had probably emptied his system once or twice last night. He poured himself some lame ass cornflakes only to find there was no milk. 

      _fuck it._ he thought and ate them dry. He ran upstairs and threw on a black hoodie and his favorite beanie. After brushing his teeth and running his hands through his hair he got into his car. He was blasting tommy's party by peach pit.

    As he was pulling up to the high school he realized that he wasn't going to learn anything anyway. He was hungover and distracted. he decided he would skip today and deal with his mom later. seeing as his dad didn't give two shits whether he lived or died. He was staring off into space when he realized h had made direct eye contact with someone. 

    There was a guy standing there near the front of his car talking with a girl. probably his plaything considering he obviously didn't care what she was talking about. He had on ripped jeans and a red slightly baggy t-shirt. It was as if he was studying Sean during a film worthy cosmic moment. Sean looked away and felt his heart speed up a little bit. He couldn't stand awkward confrontation. He sped away without looking back. 

      _Jeez. Whats with that guy?_

    Sean lit up a cigarette. He had promised his mom he would quit a long time ago but she had stopped hounding him. As he watched the smoke swirl around him, the sky got darker. Sean loved when it got like this. when the air grew heavy with the smell of rain and the clouds meshed together in a hazy gray and somewhat sereal blanket. He started playing some chill tunes and cruised to a stop in an alley way to roll himself a joint. 

_This is what my life has come to. I am the person your parents tell you not to be._ He laughed at the thought of that. He thought about the other kids in his school. They all were starting to find their lifemates and getting jobs. Sean didn't believe he would ever have a dom. He would never wish himself on anyone because he was unlovable. 

_God. That's a little angsty even for me._  He lit the joint and took a long hit. He decided that it was okay to be alone. He didn't need a lifemate. He was okay with the occasional one night stands at parties. 

      _I am okay alone._ He told himself.  _I am okay........_


	4. dont make me live....ive heard its painful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean meets a guy. said guy is concerned for our boys health. lets get this tea boiling bitches!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so about the summer camp thing........ Yeah thats not happening. i decided that my original plot would be annoying and basic and im more into this new idea. thankfully its early enough. thanks for the patience lovelies.

       Sean had been out driving all day. it was almost 10 at night. He was tired and definitely not in the mood for the scene he came home to. As he pulled into the driveway he heard his father screaming and a couple slightly weaker sounds. Probably his mom helplessly telling him he was right and she was wrong. Sean wasn't sure what was different about today but he was pissed. This worthless piece of shit went to work and banged his secretary then came home and treated him and his mom like shit. He was over it. Sean felt his chest thump and his knuckles turned white from gripping the steering-wheel.

 _FUCK THIS!!!!_ Sean burst through the front door and was confronted with an all to familiar sight. His mother was crouched on the floor at her doms feet. Sean could see the sweat running down his dads back. He had a half empty bottle in his right hand and his left was curled into a fist.

     "Oh great! This fucker is back!" he shouted and slammed his fist onto the kitchen counter. His mother flinched but said nothing keeping her head down.

     "I swear to god Sandra........ I should've left you in that hell-hole. You have no respect for me. I should-"

     "How about you leave her alone asshole!"He made eye contact With his mother as her head shot up with tears in her eyes.

      "Sean... please go to your room hunny." she said quietly. 

    "NO! This fucker is gonna learn a lesson." Sean stood to his full height which left him about 2 inches shorter than his father.

    "You wanna teach  _me_ a lesson Sean?" Mitchell laughed. it was a booming laughter. Sean felt sick. He walked slowly forward. Sean didn't budge.

    "You gonna show me up kid? HUH!?" He got up in his face and spit. Sean wiped it off his face. and glared.

     "Cmon! Say something little shit!" He gave a slight smack upside Sean's head. Sean realized his body was trembling. Not out of fear, but with rage. his fingernails left bloody crescent moons in his palms. He was so sick of the being a worthless sub. He wasn't a kid anymore. He was 17 and that's how he was going to be treated. Sean threw a quick punch that landed with a sickening crack Mitchell's skull. He staggered and braced himself on the counter. Blood dripped from his brow and into his eye. He looked up and sean knew......

     He fucked up.

     Mitchell lunged toward Sean and sandra screamed. She helplessly grappled at his jeans and he kicked her off. He landed on Sean and he kicked him in the stomach. Sean gasped and tried to swing but missed his head by about 3 inches and landed his shoulder. Mitchell was able to grab both of the scrawnier boys arms and pin them above his head as he straddled his waist.

    "You are going to wish you hadn't done that." Sean had forgotten how much this shit hurt. His face was bloody and he knew there would be a large bruise and he knew his lip was busted. He felt the wind being knocked out of him. Mitchel punched him in the face hard and fast 4 times in the face and twice in the ribs before getting up and spitting on the ground next to his sons shaking body curled up on the floor. The air was heavy with the stench of sweat blood and alcohol.

    "That will teach you to fuck with me." He kicked him once more in the side and stalked out to the garage. Sandra was finally able to crawl over to her son to see his injuries. Sean felt hot tears sting his eyes and he sat up. His mother sat on the floor in front of him. They were both silent for a moment. Then she began to sob. Sean took her in his arms as her body shook violently. 

    "I-I'm so s-sorry! I should've protected you!" More tears soaked through Seans bloodied hoodie. 

    "You couldn't have stopped him mom. I'm just glad your ok." he continued to soothe her and stroke her hair as she cried into his shoulder.

    "I will get us out of here mom." He really hoped he could.


	5. if your so fucked, let people give a shit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> love interest enters ?  
> *maniacal laughter*  
> *sips boiling tea*

     Sean had stayed up with his mother while she cried all night. It was 5 in the morning by the time she had fallen asleep on the couch. Sean went upstairs to shower and realized his breath smelled like death. As he undressed he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

     _Eww._ He thought. There were two ugly bruises on his ribs and the right side of his face was black and blue. His eye was dark and blood had crusted over his swollen bottom lip. It wasn't near as bad as he thought it was. He had seen much worse. He brushed his teeth and got in the shower. He let the hot water run over his body and into his hair. He was scrawny but not so much that he couldn't throw a decent punch. He had some muscle. He touched a bruise out of curiosity and found that it hurt more than it looked like it would.

    When he got out and went to his room he saw his father leaving for work. Sean sent a silent prayer to whatever was laughing at him from above that he would get hit by a train on the way. He put on a new hoodie and some jeans. He made sure he had his weed, cigarettes, and lighter in his backpack and took off. He walked to school hoping the fresh air would wake him up enough to suffer through school.

    As he walked his mind began to wander. He thought about his mom and dad. How they used to be in love. How his dad used to love him.

_Why did i have to be a sub?_ He hated what he couldn't control. That is the human condition. When we don't understand something or find that we cant control it we get scared. Maybe thats why is father was so mean to subs. Though they were people they could be easily controlled and manipulated whether they liked it or not. When a dom used a  **command** on a sub, their instincts forced them to comply. They would be extremely uncomfortable when a dom was angry with them whether they were in the wrong or not.

    Sean arrived at the school a little early. School started at 8 and it was only 7:30. It was Friday and every hallway was buzzing with anticipation. They were all going to do fun things with other dumb teens and then regret it. Sean wished he understood heartbreak. He always wondered what it was like to love someone so much that them leaving you would destroy you. H guessed that would be how it would feel if he lost his mom. But that had to be different right?

    He bought a bag of funions from the school store and sat down in a hallway by his locker. As he was digging in he saw another guy sitting down the hall a ways and on the other side. It was the guy he had been staring at the other day. 

     _Should i move?_ he shifted awkwardly and kept his head down. The guy had headphones in and seemed unaware of Seans presence. Sean thought the guy was probably popular Judging by his expensive backpack and weirdly clean clothes.  Just then the same girl from the other pranced up to him like an excited puppy. Sean could already tell she was annoying.

    "Hey Casper!" She chirped. 

    "Hey Vicky." Casper seemed extremely uninterested. His voice was deep and monotone when talking to her and he never once looked up from his phone.

    "So you gonna go to the dance with me?" She asked twirling her hair. He gave an exasperated sigh.

    "Jesus Vick i told you. I'm not into you!"He said irritated. 

    "But Casper! We don't have to go as a couple!" She whispered something in his ear. He stood to is full height and towered over her.

    "I think you should leave Vicky." He was angry now. His hands had curled into tight fist and his jaw clenched. His green eyes darkened a few shades. Vicky flinched slightly gave a muttered sorry and walked away with her head down. 

      _I wonder what she could've said to piss him off so bad. Casper is a cool name. Oh shit i'm staring._ When those green eye locked onto his he panicked. He didn't talk to people in school. He wasn't about to start now. As he was getting up to leave he heard someone call his name.

    "Sean!" He turned to see it had come from Casper. 

_How the hell does he know my name?_

    "Yeah?" Sean said, uneasy about the awkward social interaction.

    "Could you-" he stopped a moment. His lips drew into a thin line.

    "Nevermind." He walked away quickly with his head down.

_What the fuck was that about?_


	6. I cant help myself when i cant have peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so this is more of a get to know sean and the dom/sub universe he lives in kinda chapter. im gonna go into more detail about commands. basically when a dom uses a command a sub feels an instictual need to fullfil the doms desires. otherwise a feeling of guilt will consume them and they basically sit there and go crazy over how they are useless. subs mindests are meant to be that their dom protects them. Unfortunately many doms think their subs are mere playthings meant to serve them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *kicks down door*  
> *pumps shotgun*  
> Lets get this bitch!!!  
> *shoots Mitchell in his ugly ass face*
> 
> im so sorry for this slow chapter but i swear the action comes soon. im a slow burn type of person. i am also a terrible writer.  
> thanks

* * *

 

*time skip to thursday night brought to you by my bad writing skills*

*seans dad being a dick courtesy of my inability to create positivity*

* * *

 

     Sean was in his room scrolling through memes on instagram when his mom called him downstairs. He went down and saw that she had made a large dinner. There was mashed potatoes and chicken and corn. 

        _Since when does mom make dinner?_

      "So what's the occasion?" Sean asked taking a seat at the table. His mother seemed confused and almost hurt by the question.

     "No special occasion. Can't i make dinner for my family?" Sean should've known. Of course she would be snappy for a few days after that fight.

     "Sorry. You just don't make stuff often." His mother gave him a small nod as his father came in rather loudly. When he sat down at the table with a THUD, Sean's nose instantly began to burn with the smell of whiskey, sweat, and oil. He hated this guy more than he could express with words. 

     "So Mitchell, " Sandra piped up overly cheerful."How was your day?" He took his sweet time replying to her.

     "Fine." He said utterly emotionless.

     She flashed him a beautiful smile. Sean could see in her eyes how fake it was but it was only natural for her to act this way after not being punished after a fight. She always took good care of him for a few days following a fight because he often forgot to punish her for her wrongdoings. Or the ones he made her believe she had committed. When any sub disobeyed, or believed they had, they would feel an overwhelming need to feel the repercussions. they wanted to make it go away so their dom could be happy with them again. It was a terrible feeling Sean knew well. His dad had made him feel like shit many times in his young life.

     It was eerily quiet for the next few minutes. Sean only nibbled at his food as he watched his mom fidget and squirm uncomfortably in her seat. 

     _She is feeling some serious guilt. Worse than usual._ Sean thought to himself. Then it hit im. 

     _Oh my god. I said no. To a dom._ Not just any dom though, his father. Sean became elated with a sudden sense of pride. His chest puffed out slightly but instantly retracted at the feeling of his bruises being strained. He had still suffered the consequences.

    "So Sean, you found a dom girl yet?" His dad asked teasing him by putting emphasis on the dom. Sean wanted to laugh at that. He would never tell his dad nor anyone that he wasn't straight. Ever.

"Not yet." Sean said. He waited for a demeaning remark , an insult, or even a scoff. It never came.

"Well i'm sure you will find someone sweety." his mom chirped.

"Jesus  **shut up sandra**." he used a command and Sean watched his mother instantaneously shrink into her seat. He was only making it worse. 

Sean wondered what it was that made his father refrain so much tonight. Perhaps he had had a good day. Perhaps Sean had obtained some level of respect by standing up for himself. The thought was gone as quick as it came.

" **Sean**." Sean instantly felt cold and small...... and afraid.....

"Yes?" he asked timidly. He couldn't begin to control the shaking of his body.

" **Leave.** " Sean was up the stairs and in his room almost instantaneously. 

Commands were only supposed to be used during serious situations because they implied anger. Moments later he could hear his fathers voice booming. Sean just cowered in a corner and put in his ear buds. his heart sank and he couldn't breathe. He was having a panic attack and he knew it was going to be hard for him to feel okay for a day or so. 

_Why wont he just die?......Why wont i just die?........._


	7. yellow is my least favorite color.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean gets to talk to casper. Wow. lets see how terrible i make this one lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW so last i checked i had 14 hits which is exactly 14 more than i thought i was gonna get!  
> love this for myself

Sean woke up on the floor with his eyes swollen and his throat hoarse from crying. He got up and stretched his back which popped satisfyingly. When he had grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen he put it back. His stomach was still a little unsettled from last nights events.

_Well this is gonna be the **best** friday ever._ Sean thought sarcastically. He got into his car and smoked 2 cigarettes on the way to school. He hoped a car would hit him. Unfortunately he made it to the school and parked out front. he grabbed his raggedy back pack and sulked through the hallways to the cafeteria. He bought an iced coffee with caramel. He really liked caramel. When he got to his first period he was usually wearing headphones with his beanie on and his hoodie up. He didn't speak or interact with other students. Hell, sometimes he forgot they were there. He didn't care to know their names and didn't know their faces. He remembered when a girl had tried to speak to him once.

* * *

 

"Hi." it was a girl wearing a yellow tube top and high waisted blue jeans. Her curly hair bounced when she walked up to him.

" Uh... Hi?" he had said wondering what she could possibly wanted to talk to him about.

"I saw that you sit alone at lunch and i thought maybe you would like to-" he put a hand up in her face.

"Yeah no thanks im good." he said and turned to walk away.

"Well maybe you wouldnt have to be lonely if you werent such a jerk!" she stormed off then and Sean had laughed at how angry she must've been. she moved a year later.

* * *

 

That was the extent he had cared to know anyone around here. He decided to take an experimental look around the room. A few late kids were just coming in and everyone was in their seats for the most part. Just as he thought he didnt know anyone when he suddenly locked eyes with a familiar shade of green. He did know someone in this class. He even knew that his name was Casper and that he didnt have a thing for vicky. He also knew that he had almost spoken to him once. As if Casper knew he was being analyzed He gazed right back. Sean grew uncomfortable and quickly turned around. 

_Jesus what is it with this guy and awkward eye contact?_  He worked diligently all period and when the bell sounded he put his things in his back pack alot slower than the other kids. Mostly because he didnt have to stop and talk to friends after classes. However, on his way out Casper and tossed a small scrap of paper onto his desk folded into a square. Sean gave him a puzzled look but He didnt look at him. He walked out of class like it didnt happen. 

Sean expected a number of things to be written on it. A dick drawing or a " Stop being a creepy stalker" type thing. What he did not expect was a question.

**You going to Gabby's party later?**

_What party? Why is he asking? And why through a note?_ Sean didnt even know when he would be able to give a response. Or if he should. It was probably a trick anyway right?Sean tried to shrug it off and he made his way to his next class.

Sean thought about it all day until lunch. He went to his car to eat a sandwich and a coke. He was switching his music when there was a thud on his hood. Sean flinched and saw a group of guys laughing. They started walking away when Sean got out and yelled.

"Fuck you!" One of them turned around. probably the alpha.

"Go fuck yourself." They all laughed like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.

"Nah, ill get your sister to do it for me." Sean said defiantly before opening up his car door. The guy stormed over and shut it nearly trapping Seans fingers.

"Whats that Shithead?" They surrounded him and he suddenly became very afraid.

_Why me?_ Sean thought. A voice sounded a few spaces over.

"Jacob! We're gonna be late!" They all turned and Sean saw Casper. They made brief eye contact and Sean silently thanked him. Casper nodded.

"Fine. Later Rat!" Jacob said flicking sean on the bruised side of his head. Casper went with them and Sean watched him go. Then He did something he thought he would never do. He got in his car and scribbled  **yes.** onto the folded paper and grabbed his things. 

* * *

When he got into his 6th period he saw Casper again. Sean went and sat next to the window like he did everyday. When the teacher told them to choose partners he walked casually over to casper and sat down.

"Hey." Casper said. He seemed slightly surprised.

"Who is gabby?" Sean asked.

"She lives on University Ave. Why, you coming?" Sean simply slipped the note into Caspers hand. His hands were slightly sweaty but they were warm and soft. He got up and went back to his seat. He usually worked alone on projects anyway. 

* * *

another time skip to later

* * *

 Sean arrived at the party at 9:30. He wasnt sure how long it had been going on but these things lasted till like 4 in the morning usually. He parked down the street a ways to avoid any dumb kids vandalism. He walked in and grabbed a drink. It was bitter and Sean was careful not to finish it. He didnt want to get wasted if he thought something wierd was gonna happen. He finally spotted Casper Sitting outside next to a girl playing Beer-pong. Casper saw him almost instantly. He walked over laughing. Sean decided he liked his laugh. It wasnt loud or super annoying just.....nice.

"Glad you came." Casper smiled.

"Well...... I mean when a mysterious stranger slips you a note asking about a party you dont ignore it. Its a little unconventional." Casper chuckled. Sean became slightly confused. He hadnt said anything funny.

"Yeah i could tell you dont really care for conventional." Sean laughed at that.

"I guess your right." They stood in a comfortable silence for a moment. Then Sean remembered why he came. For answers.

"So I have some questions." Sean said.

"Ok. Follow me." Casper said. Sean wondered what this guys deal was. He seemed very secretive and suspicious. He led Sean around the house and into a small garden area in the front which was basically empty. save for the girl puking in the bushes on the other side of the yard.

"Alright ask away." Casper seemed very nonchalant about this whole thing.

"How do you know my name?"

"I hear it everday during attendance." Sean hadnt thought of that.

"What were you going to say to me the other day?"

"I was gonna ask if you could not tell anybody about the conversation you overheard."

"So why didnt you?"

"Because you dont talk to anybody." He was right. Somehow sean still felt hurt.

“Yeah that makes sense.” Sean was mildly uncomfortable with the silence that followed. “So, do you live around here?” Sean was confused as to why this guy cared at all. “Yeah. I live by Regina park.” Sean pointed in the general direction of his place. Casper seemed pretty calm. Sean asked another question. “Why are you so interested with my life?” He hadn’t meant to but he sounded defensive. “Well... I.....” He seemed to be deep in thought for a few moments. Sean thought he might realize it was a mistake talking to him. He even expected it. However, he secretly hoped he would stay a while longer. “Your just different. I can tell.”Casper seemed pleased with his answer. That is until he saw Seans reaction. “There are plenty of “Different” people in our school. Now stop lying.” Sean crossed his arms and his shoulders shivered. He was only wearing his army green t-shirt and black ripped jeans with his beanie. “Not like you though.” Casper was looking deep into Seans eyes. All the shades of green had him in a trance. Each other's warmth and the small amounts of drink they had in their systems clouded their minds as they slowly drifted together.

  _What the fuck am i doing_! Sean backed off. He was caught slightly off guard by the hurt look on Caspers face. It was gone as soon as it had come.

”I uh..... I think I should go home before the trouble starts.” Sean laughed uncomfortably. Casper laughed too.

”Drive safe.” Sean started to walk away when he realized something.

”Where do you live?” Casper seemed strangely elated by the question.

”West Vista Village.” Sean had never been there but he knew it was for rich people.

”Uh... Cool.... thanks...” Sean got into his car quickly as Jacob approached Casper. He clapped his shoulder and started leading him inside.

Sean almost refused to believe it, but he thought he saw Casper looking back sadly as he drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so so so SO sorry. im so tired (-_-)


	8. If you dont mind kissing your knuckles before you punch my face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So im so so so so sorry  
> lmao  
> His mum is a good person i promise.  
> Please bear with me!!!!

Sean cruised a blunt before he went home. It was midnight when he got home.  As he walked into the kitchen he saw his mother leaning over the sink.

"Where were you?" She sounded really pissed.

"I was at a party. Why?" She usually didnt question his comings and goings. She turned around on her heels rather abruptly and walked very fast. She got into Seans face and he stumbled back a few steps startled.

"DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I DO FOR YOU?!?!" She started hitting him. She pounded into his chest but her size made it hard to inflict any real pain. Sean tried to grab her flying fists and calm her down. She was sobbing at this point. She weakly grabbed his shirt and crumpled to the floor.

"Mom Im sorry...... I didnt mean to-"

"SHUT UP!!!!" Sean could barely fight the sheet of tears that clouded his vision. He blinked them away quickly.

"Mom you need to calm down." He said calmly.

"No! I dont need to calm down!!! YOU NEED TO LISTEN!!!! I AM SO SICK OF YOU THINKING YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!" She stood and started to pace between Sean and the sink.

"First you hit my dom. How could you hit your own father?" Sean was getting angry.

"OH SO WOULD YOU RATHER I LET HIM BEAT YOU?"

"YES!" She was flowing with tears and she smacked the counters.

"GET OUT!" She refused to look at him. Sean was taken aback. This wasnt the woman who loved and cared for him as a child. The woman who kissed his scraped knees and made him sandwiches with the crusts cut off. This was a monster. Created by the idea that she couldnt save herself.

"Mom Im just trying to-"

"To what? Huh? To save us? Is that it?" She was in his face again.

" You cant do anything about this. You are just a sub like me. One day your dom is going to whip you into shape and you will know exactly how useless you are. NOW GET OUT!!!" Sean opened his mouth but the words were thrown back by the sob that threatened.

"Mom!" He pleaded.

"Please dont do this." Sean went to grab at her hand. She flinched back and gave him a look of almost complete disgust.

"This is all YOUR fault. He loved me. Then you came and RUINED EVERYTHING!!!! GET OUT!!! PLEASE JUST GET OUT!!!!" She cried into her sleeves by the sink. Sean was crying now. He wasnt going to show how weak he was.

"FINE!!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING DOM! I HOPE YOUR HAPPY TOGETHER NOW THAT YOU ARE JUST AS MISERABLE AS HE IS!!!!" Sean peeled out of the driveway. He drove down the roads at almost dangerous speeds and it was hard to see past the tears blurring his vision. He pulled into a Shell parking lot and smoked a cigarette. 

 _Maybe i should just dissapear........_  

He sat there for another hour or so before the thoughts of suicide and his own crying slowly lulled him into a dreamless sleep.


	9. Don’t you dare make the mistake of knowing me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So i am kinda happy with this story which like never happened so. Thanks. Pls leave comments on what you think should happen or give me your constructive criticism as long as its not hateful.  
> THANKS THOTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS!!!! IM IN SO MUCH PAIN!! I WROTE THIS LONG ASS CHAPTER AND MY IPAD CLOSED AND DELETED IT ALL AND THIS IS MY THIRD TIME WRITING IT!!!!!  
> Pray for my dying soul

 Sean awoke to the sound of tapping on his car window. He shot up expecting it to be the manager telling him to get lost. Instead he was met with a pair of familiar green eyes.

_Casper?_  Sean got out of the car. He shivered as the early May air met his skin through the thin long sleeve shirt he was wearing. Casper was wearing a gray hoodie and jeans.

”Hey. What are you doing here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Sean laughed.

”Fair point.” Sean rubbed his arms. Casper seemed slightly awkward with his hand in his pockets and his eyes scanning his feet.

”Seriously though what were you doing Sleeping in your car?” Casper sounded almost worried.

”I just- uh..........” He had no idea what to say. How could he explain himself?

”Its okay. I guess its not really my business anyway.” Sean breathed a sigh of relief. His teeth chattered. He could really use a smoke right now. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and realized he forgot his lighter in the car. As if Casper heard his thoughts, he took a lighter out of his pocket.

”Need a light?” He said smiling. Sean chuckled.

”Yeah.” Casper leaned over and held the flame out to him. Sean took a inhaled deeply. As he did he saw Casper light one of his own and they stood there in the chilly air in a blissful silence.

”Wanna go for a ride?” Sean asked as he took another drag.

”Sure. Its fucking freezing out here.” Casper got into the passenger seat and Sean handed him the aux cord.

”Dont play any dumb shit.” Sean said playfully. Casper did not disappoint. He played People by guardian. One of Seans favorite songs.

_Nice_. Sean cruised down a few blocks as they finished their smokes.

”You know my sister calls these cancer sticks?” Casper smiled.

”I didn’t know you had a sister.” Caper smiled. But he seemed pained.

“Yeah she lives in Tokyo with her husband and kids. We haven’t seen them in a long time.” Sean nodded. He thought for a moment before asking.

”Do you smoke?” Casper smirked as he pulled a pipe out of his pocket.

”I thought you would never ask.” He lit up and took a surprisingly long hit. Sean was surprised his lungs didn’t explode. When he exhaled it was smooth and experienced. He only coughed twice. He passed it to Sean. Sean took a smaller hit but still of good size.

”So. You have a sub?” Sean looked at him with wide eyes. He tried to hold it in.

”Pffft. HAHAHAHA!!!” He was crying and his ribs hurt when the bruises strained against the cage.

”What’s so funny?” Casper was obviously puzzled but he was smiling. He decided he liked Seans laugh.

”You actually think *inhale* that I’m a DOM!!!!” He kept laughing.

”YOUR NOT!!!” Casper was even more surprised.

”No. But I’m flattered.” Sean wiped away the tears and picked another song. His face hurt from smiling but he couldn’t stop. Neither could Casper.

”Okay so do you have a dom?” He asked. Sean grew quiet.

”No. Who needs all that noise?” Sean kept his eyes on the road.

”I dont know i think that everyone should at least try to find their lifemate. Why don’t you?” Casper was looking at him intently. He couldn’t think of any logical reason to be alone for the rest of your life.

”I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone that all.” Casper laughed but quieted instantly when he realized Sean was serious.

”Oh wait for real? Cmon. You are awesome.

”Uh huh.” Sean said disbelieving. 

“Seriously.” Casper said. Sean pulled into an alley to roll a blunt.

”What makes you think that?” Casper raised an eyebrow.

”Well you have a good taste in music, your not as big a dick as you try to seem, and your hot.” Sean looked at him with a emi red face. Casper suddenly turned red and stammered.

”I-Like-I wasnt-Uh...” Sean laughed again. 

“Its cool.” He looked at him.

”Thank you i guess.” Sean forgot where he was.

_How are his eyes that many shades of green?_ Sean felt his body gravitating toward him. His eyes were magnetic and hypnotic in a way. They were the shade of an enchanted forest, or really good weed, or soft grass. If he could, Sean would’ve liked to ask him whether his parents had those eyes or if they were entirely unique to him. But that would be weird right?

“I think your hot too.” Casper chuckled. They had been looking at each other for a long time now. Suddenly Casper moved in. Their lips met and Sean was so entranced that he found himself kissing back with a different kind of fervor than with his one night stands. This was a different kind of electric intensity. He could feel every inch of his skin burning. His soul was on fire. Casper put his hand up into Seans hair and pulled him closer, as if it was possible. He loved the way Sean felt in his hands. He handed himself over so easily yet he was this untouchable mystery.he was new but it was Ike he had known him forever.

_He is so amazing. Ive never felt like this with anybody. Is this crushing? No. Its more. Do i love him! I dont even know him!_

Sean pulled away quickly breathing hard.

”Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Casper puthis hands together in his lap. 

“I should’ve asked or something I didn’t mean to be weird. If your not into guy thats cool. I can just go.” He started to open the door.

”Wait. Its ok. I just....... I liked it and...... I really like you but...... I cant do that to you.” Sean felt tears threaten his eyes. He held them back with all his might.

”Why not? I mean if we both like each other-“

”Thats not the point! I cant love you or Ike you or be your friend.”

” WHY?!” Casper put his hand on Seans which had a vice like grip on the steering wheel. 

“IM A PROBLEM OKAY!!!! I come with a lot of extra baggage. I’m just a new set of problems and you dont want to deal with that.” Sean couldn’t stop a tear from falling. His body finally betrayed him. He sobbed. Casper was uncomfortable and unsure of what he was able to do for him.

”Listen Sean, I dont want to be your boyfriend or anything. If your not okay with this then Ill stay away. I dont want you to feel pressured. But i like you a lot. And i dont really care about whatever “baggage” you come with. I just want to get to know you.” Sean looked at him with utter disbelief.

”I just........ Ive never been in a relationship. And i cant say that i will ever be ready. I dont see me falling in love and having kids. Besides I’m weak and........ I’m scared of things. Especially doms.” Casper raised an eyebrow at the last bit. Suddenly he understood. 

“The bruises. Those are from a dom huh?” Sean touched his face and nodded. Casper put his hand to Seans face and moved it so he could see better. Sean let him analyze his face. He wasnt sure why but his defenses were utterly useless against this guy. Suddenly those green eyes went dark. Casper put both his hand on either side of Seans head and put his forehead against his.

“I dont care if i cant be with you, but i will never let anyone hurt you again.” Sean was speechless. What could he say to that?

”You dont have to do that-“ Casper shushed him.

”please dont push me away.” His voice was shaky. Sean saw a tear form on his lower lash line. It never got the chance to fall before Casper wiped it away and let go.

”I think I’ll go and give you time. Just.... call me if you need anything.” He scribbled his number on a napkin and handed it to Sean.

”Be safe.” He said before shutting the door and starting down the alley. Sean watched him go. 

_Why did i do that to him? God I’m such a peice of shit!_ Sean cried. He cried because he was in love. He cried because he wished he wasnt. And he cried because he knew that this would be very difficult, not only for him but now for the person he loved.


	10. send the problem far away.....if its convenient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear GOD i ghosted. im so so so Kinda sorry. i used the school computers to start this (stupid right?) but i got a laptop and lost my login info but my laptop broke so i was forced to use a school computer again and low and behold my old TRASH! so im continuing it whether anyone is reading it or not. :)

caspers P.O.V

* * *

 

_Why? Why would I do that to him? Did I do something wrong?_ Casper walked from god knows where to West Vista Village and into his house. He was met with no one. An empty house with 1 empty human in it. As per usual. What people didn't know is that his parents generally stayed away on long business trips and when they were home they didn't talk much.

    Casper went to the kitchen and made himself a bowl of microwaved sphagetios. He was just sitting down on the couch to watch American Ultra for the umpteenth time, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out so fast the bwl almost plopped to the floor. It was a text from a new number.

**Sean: hey. its sean.** Casper almost thew the phone. Shitshitshit. he tried to reply quickly.

**Casper: oh hey. whatsup?** He waited for a response. 

**Sean: Nuthin much. but i might have to leave for a while.** What's with that? 

**Casper: why? and if i may be so inclined where?** Was that weird? Probably.

**Sean: well my mom wants to send me away for a while. kinda like a summer camp but its called a Correctional Facility.** Casper didn't like the sound of that. He had just found this boy. He hadn't lied when he said he wanted to get to know him, and he hadn't stopped thinking about that kiss. Or those bruises. Maybe he should get away from here. it might be safer.

**Casper: Well that sounds a little scary but i think you will be okay. Will you have your phone?**

**Sean: No. they arent allowed on campus.**   _Fuck._

**Casper: hey can i call you?** the phone rang in response. He took a deep breath and stilled his trembling hands to answer.

"Hey." Seans voice came in and instantly casper, unknowingly, smiled.

"Hey." Casper held his breath.  _Shit what do i say?_ Sean kept up conversation oddly enough.

"So about this summer camp, I think i might die." He laughed and Casper wondered how real it was. It wasn't exactly different than in the car or at the party but maybe quieter.

"Why would you die?" Casper tried to sound comforting.

"Well its really strict and its mostly for doms." Casper started formulating plans and looking for solutions. 

"When do you have to leave?" Casper could hear pages flipping, and then silence.

"Sean?" there was a shuffle and then a stifled 

"Yeah?" 

"When do you leave?" His voice was almost stern but he was gentle for fear of frightening im. But his heart dropped into the floor at the reply.

"Tomorrow...."


	11. ill be your basketcase ..... if i may be so inclined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck this computer nerds. it deleted my shit again.

Seans P.O.V

* * *

 

    "Fuck." Sean could almost hear him run his hands through his caramel colored hair. Sean chewed on his lip as another tear fell onto the black screen.

"I'm sorry." Sean choked on the words and he couldn't keep the emotion away as it pushed relentlessly at the back of his throat.

"Don't be sorry... its not your fault. Listen i- i don't think you should be alone right now." Seans eyes went clear almost instantly and he sniffled.

 _Does he want to come over? Like actually?_  

"Im fine i just- i shouldn't have called im sorr-" Casper cut him off.

"Dont lie to me. i know i haven't known you long but i care about you. You can push me away all you want but ill have you know im very persistent." Sean chuckled and wiped his eyes. 

"Okay. you can come over."

"Im on my way." Then He hung up. 

_he cares about me. i mean he did kiss me. but does he really want... all this. He'll see reason. He is eventually going to realize he deserves better and move away from me like a normal person should. but for now i guess i could use the company. Then i can disappear forever, and i wont hurt him._

After sending his address, Sean drifted around his room in a daze picking up a few things here and there. When he made eye contact with himself in the mirror he became aware of his disheveled appearance. He brushed hair quick and instead of changing his shirt he just put on a hoodie. There was a sharp knock at the front door and Sean practically flew down the stairs, but as he got to the door his drunk father stumbled ahead of him smirking. 

"That a g*Burp* girl you plannin to bonesss?" he slurred into Sean's face. Before Sean could even answer he opened the door and Caspers smiling face was waiting. 

* * *

Caspers P.O.V

* * *

"Who're you?" Mitchell asked defensively, swaying like a skinny tree in the strong wind.

"Casper. Sean's friend." Casper held out his hand to shake but Mitchell just scoffed.

"Your funny. If Sean could get anyone besides his worthless mom to like him he'd of found a dom. Then i wouldn't have to feed his scrawny ass." Casper looked slightly taken aback. He kept his composure even though he hated hearing this fat fuck talk about Sean that way.

 _This is why he thinks he's unlovable? Because of this douchebag?_ Mitchell was walking, or stumbling rather, over to the kitchen.

"Get outta my sight. The both of ye." Sean gestured toward the stairs with his head and they headed up. As they walked, Casper took note of the family photos. The last ne looked like Sean had been really young. 

"Why don't you guys have any after this one?" Sean turned and looked at him puzzled. But confusion gave into a pained expression when he realized what he meant. 

"Oh. I was 5 in that one. I guess that's just when we stopped being a family yaknow." Sean shrugged and kept walking but Casper couldn't help but dwell on it.

Upon entering Sean's room, the smell of ramen and weed attacked Caspers nose. Speaking of weed, Sean sat on his bed and pulled out his grinder and pipe and started cleaning it out. Casper was anxiously standing in the corner looking for a place to sit but he didn't want to be weird. Sean was able to perceive this awkwardness and finally said something. 

"Come sit down." He patted the mattress under him. Casper smiled his relief and sat next to him. As Sean loaded a bowl, Casper decided he should address the topic at hand.

"So do you really have to go?" Sean drew in a sharp breath and passed him the pipe.

"Yes. They paid alot of money and the bus is gonna be here at 5 am." Casper nodded and inhaled smoke.

* * *

Seans P.O.V

* * *

Sean hadn't realized how tired he was but he was starting to feel it. He played music on his phone and stared out the window at the night sky. Casper passed and Sean could feel the blessed burn in his lungs and relished in it. When he exhaled he went to pass it but Caspers attention was somewhere else. When Sean looked up at his face to see where he was looking , Sean saw the eyes. Those green orbs that mesmerized his walls into tumbling down without so much as a thought. Casper was just staring at him and he wondered if he had lost his mind. 

"What?" Sean said looking down at his empty hands. Casper chuckled.

"Nothing. Your just..... I'm kinda sad. It's like this really cool guy that I've been trying to talk to for the longest time and the second i get the chance to know you.... you have to go." His voice was the most sorrowful and desperate Sean had ever heard. That was a lie and he knew it but Caspers voice broke his heart. 

"I-Im so sorry. It wouldn't have mattered though. You would've eventually realized you were wasting your time and that i'm just a dead weight. Im a littl thankful that this happened when it did or i might've had the chance to hurt you." Caspers face went dead cold. He grabbed Sean's face with both hands very carefully. Like holding a bowl of water he didnt want to spill. 

"Your wrong. It doesn't matter how it happened or where its going but im here now. Im your friend and as long as i still stand im going to be there for you." Sean started to cry. it was quiet but his body shook. Casper enveloped him in a soft warmth that sean didn't think he had felt since childhood. But this was different. Like a weight taken off him and shared. He listened to the beating of Caspers heart and the way he quietly coo'd him into a calm state. 

"Its gonna be okay. Im here." He said. Sean knew deep down he was worthless, but this felt nice. So he gave in to the lie that he was sure he would suffer for. He knew it was a lie. A dangerous one at that. But in the still night with his now friend to comfort him he felt safe enough to fall into a deep sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also i lied. Im totally doing the summer camp thing if you didnt notice.


End file.
